


you can take me to the moon

by sunwardhoseok



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: F/M, Internal homophobia, M/M, NCT Ensemble - Freeform, What's new, a 3 month long fic completed, happy one year to me, japan inspired, mark is literally your panicked gay, nct gathers for karaoke every wednesday night, what goes on in this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-27
Updated: 2019-08-27
Packaged: 2020-09-27 15:14:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,621
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20409868
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunwardhoseok/pseuds/sunwardhoseok
Summary: soon enough, it’s time for donghyuck to sing again, and mark quickly hands it to him, looking down, cheeks on fire. suddenly, he feels slim, warm fingers cup his chin, and they lift him, so that he’s staring into a pair of golden chocolate eyes." take me to the moon."; when the boys come to sing karaoke every wed night and it’s when mark falls head over heels down the stairs at 3 am sharp.but donghyuck is there to catch him.





	you can take me to the moon

**Author's Note:**

  * For [erstwhileLove](https://archiveofourown.org/users/erstwhileLove/gifts).

> happy birthday hyuckie <3
> 
> june 6th, 2019 - august 25th, 2019
> 
> oh my god. this fic has finally come to an end! i started this on my trip to japan, and began this as a oneshot for hyuckie's birthday. it eventually evolved to be something more, obviously. so many people have helped me with this journey; encouraging, supporting, lending me a hand, and so much more. you know who you are. 
> 
> today is my first year anniversary as an nctzen. and i want to thank nct for this incredible year-long adventure, it's been truly unbelievable. i still can't believe i'm here, about to post my longest story i've ever written in all my life- and i dedicate this to my boys. i love you all the way. 
> 
> this fic is for ella, my amazing friend; thank you for helping me with everything, i can't believe i'm about to start a new adventure with you! for lav, my partner in crime, thank you for always motivating me, for always hyping my pieces up. i could never fully express my gratitude for you. you're a true blessing to this family :) 
> 
> this is for you too, my lovely sunseok nation. thank you for waiting for me. 
> 
> happy reading !! <33
> 
> love, jam

_ begin _

every wednesday night, the boys party. 

mark meets up with the boys, the boys meet up with mark. they’ve known each other since early elementary school. sometimes, the hyungs meet up with them too, because johnny gives consent for alcohol. it’s a convenience. 

they always start the night in a local karaoke place-, it’s small, quiet,and basically in the middle of nowhere. it’s on a street, flanked by a small drugstore, and a restaurant that closed long ago. that gives them enough space to yell and scream, and party as much as they want. the group of twenty one always take up an entire room- the biggest one in the place, and the other people in the building can’t even hear themselves scream. 

even the owner’s given up. 

it’s wednesday night. man, mark is excited. today, it’s taeil’s birthday, and apparently, he’s going to be treating everyone to three slices of cake and two rounds of beer. he even included the dreamies, dubbed so by the hyungs, in on this offer. johnny was offered up to give consent once again. 

“i give you all the permission to drink whatever shit you want to drink.. i guess.” 

mark shrugs on a shirt, and quickly throws on a pair of skinny jeans and runs out the door. right on time, as always, donghyuck’s sitting there, on the curb, in his old, bright yellow volvo. decorated with huge, painted sunflowers, the entire spectacle is the ugliest thing mark has ever laid eyes on. 

_ mark still remembers the day donghyuck had gotten his license; rushing immediately to a dealer, and returning behind the wheel of a bright neon yellow volvo with the smuggest smile mark has ever seen him wear. _

_ “this is our new ride,” donghyuck cheers, hopping out of the car once the engine has rattled to a stop. “what do you think?” _

_ “it’s..” mark struggles to form words. he’s horridly aware of their situation- a car that looked like it came from the stone ages and had the color of a green light that had taken steroids, is parked right in front of his house. “hideous.” _

_ the grin on donghyuck’s face immediately twists into a frown, and he huffs, crossing his arms over his chest. “but this is our ride! how could you say that?” _

_ “maybe we could paint it?” mark timidly suggests half sarcastically and half in disbelief with a wince at donghyuck’s disappointed expression. “i’m joking. there’s absolutely no way-” _

_ “let’s do it!” suddenly donghyuck’s eyes glow again, and he jumps in excitement. “i’ll get the paint and brushes. i think my dad has some in the garage, just wait-” _

_ and they end up painting the car in nine hours. it’s a buttery shade of yellow, one that mark gagged at, complete with massive sunflowers on both sides, and one on the back trunk-, at donghyuck’s persistence, of course. _

_ “well?” donghyuck stands back, his figure completely enveloped in the porch light. “is it a little less disgusting than you expected?” he stares at mark with a glare, and mark shifts on his heels, suddenly uncomfortable with the intensity of donghyuck’s gaze. _

_ “..no,” he croaks out. “um, it needs a little something more.” _

_ mark strides over to the car, and ignores the sinking feeling of regret in his stomach when he dips his entire hand in a bucket of blue paint. he barely hears donghyuck’s stunned scream when he presses it against the side of the car, just over the back wheel. when he lifts his hand from the side, donghyuck is there in a flash, a contorted fit of rage already brewing on his face. _

_ “just what the hell do you think you’re doing?” _

_ “wait.” _

_ mark dips a finger in paint again, and quickly traces his initials over his handprint. it’s a sight- the black smear of “lmk” against a blue handprint over a field of sunflowers and a horrid shade of yellow. _

_ “better,” he sits back on his heels, dabbing at his paint splattered clothes. _

_ there is a baited silence, in which mark’s stomach twists at the realization that he literally destroyed nine hours of work. _

_ “i’m sorry-” _

_ donghyuck lets out a sharp exhale, and that crazy grin returns to his face. “completely upgraded,” he agrees. “my turn.” _

“what’s up, hyuck?” mark slides into the passenger seat besides his best friend and grins at the younger. “are you ready?” 

donghyuck groans with a snort and turns the key, the engine rattling to life with a roar. “man, you say the same exact thing every single week. can there be at least _ some _diversity in the way you talk?” 

“nope,” mark sighs and leans his seat all the way back. “no can do.” 

donghyuck rolls his eyes and laughs, and pulls the car out and into the street. there’s a comfortable silence between the two, and mark rolls down the window to let the cool summer air shaft through. after a few minutes, they reach a small three story building- most of it is built of wood, and there are occasional bricks here and there. it’s an odd place, mark decides. but he likes it.

they push in through the doors, mark’s arm slung over donghyuck’s shoulder, and are instantly greeted by a mass of people. 

“you guys finally went out?” a short, chinese boy pushes to the front of the loud crowd, and mark gives him a puzzled look. 

“mark, look at your arm around him,” he deadpans, and mark realizes, and lets his arm fall off donghyuck’s jean jacket. the boy laughs. 

“shut up, renjun. you know we’re only friends.” 

“okay, keep telling yourself that,” the boy cackles, and disappears in the next wave of people that come. nineteen people come in together, they’re hugging and embracing mark and donghyuck, and asking them if they’ve eaten, as if they didn’t see them last week. 

taeil, the oldest person in the group, suddenly appears and claps once. “alright guys, we’ve got the regular room upstairs, and i want everyone to line up, single file, so no one gets trampled.”

of course, no one lines up in a single file. they all swarm up the dirty tiled stairs, chattering and pushing. some of the dreamies even race up the steps, seeing who can reach the room first. 

mark stays behind with johnny and kun, who ask him about his day and if he’s ready to party- a regular topic. then kun brings up a question that mark can’t answer on the spot, which is an uncanny occurrence to say the very least. 

“so, you like hyuck, right?” 

mark falters in his step, and he can hear jaemin complaining behind him. 

“uh.. yeah, as a friend.” 

“mark,” johnny gently presses on, and nudges him as they continue to climb to the room. mark can hear donghyuck laughing. 

“yeah, i’m serious. i don’t like him like that, i’m straight.” 

“that’s fine,” kun says, picking up the desperate tone in mark’s voice. “mark, it’s okay to be straight. don’t worry about it. we were just curious, that’s all.” 

“just.. don’t tell him i said that,” mark quietly says to johnny as they reach the big doors, letting kun walk ahead. “i don’t want anything bad to happen.” 

“sure.” johnny smiles reassuringly. “but i want you to think about it, okay? we didn’t ask for no reason.” he walks into the room, and mark follows, still a bit perplexed. 

taeyong hands taeil the mic immediately after he orders jisung to “sit his ass down”. 

“right.” taeil faces the karaoke machine, fumbling with the remote as he switches through the songs. “i think i’m gonna go with.. new face.” 

a chorus of groans come from the younger boys, and yangyang blurts, “psy? that’s really fucking basic.” 

taeil dramatically gasps into the mic. “you want basic? fine. then i’ll show you basic.” he grabs chenle by the hand and pulls him to his feet, and does the same for lucas and jungwoo. 

“let’s party!” taeil cheers, and the rest of the group follows. the night has begun. 

time passes by quickly, and only after three rounds of beer (taeil allowed one extra), mark is ready to crash. and so are the dreamies. 

“the night’s not over yet,” jaehyun slurs, raising another shot glass to the ceiling. “we’ve still got party in us, right?” 

everyone yells in agreement, and they shake off the drowsiness. each person has sung one song already, but mark wanted more. and so did the other twenty. 

“taeil hyung!” jaemin yells, eager for attention. “who’s up next?” 

“hm..” taeil scans the crowd lounging on the small purple couches pushed together to face him. the small, flashing neon lights at the front of the room make each person’s eyes glow, and they look feral. 

“mark.” taeil gestures. “and donghyuck.” 

the room erupts in whoops and cheers as the pair stands and goes to the front of the room, before the machine. 

“now, i want you to sing fly away with me, by nct 127, of course. and yes, you have to sing it to each other.” 

the entire crowd oohs and coos at them, which doesn’t help their reddening faces. mark laughs, alcohol still in his system, and hands a mic to donghyuck, who eagerly accepts it. taeil presses play with a malicious smile on his face, and the soft beat begins to pound through the room. mark gestures to donghyuck, and he begins to sing. 

_ “fly away with me, baby,” _ donghyuck starts, and the entire crowd, and mark, gasp a bit. donghyuck is known for his honeyed voice, and for being effortlessly talented at vocals. he sings an entire verse, before turning to mark with a smirk. 

“your turn,” he whispers into mark’s ear as he passes the mic to him, and his breath is hot on mark’s skin. he shivers, and grabs ahold of the mic with shaky hands. 

with an exhale, mark starts singing. donghyuck cheers, and taeil smiles a bit wider. 

“face him, mark!” he calls, and everyone roars again, stomping their feet in excitement. donghyuck giggles, and grabs the taller’s shoulders, drawing him in within a five inch distance; barely enough space for mark to even hold the mic.

soon enough, it’s time for donghyuck to sing again, and mark quickly hands it to him, looking down, cheeks on fire. suddenly, he feels slim, warm fingers cup his chin, and they lift him, so that he’s staring into a pair of golden chocolate eyes. 

_ the flowers that bloom everytime you touch me, i’m dyed with your fragrance, _

_ the stars that pour everytime you laugh, _

_ and when i see you in a daze, you come in to me _

mark’s breath hitches, and he notices the mole under donghyuck’s eye and the scar on his lip for the first time.

“how long have you had that scar?” he whispers, and the younger quietly laughs.

“since we last hung out.” 

the song finally ends with doyoung’s chilling verse, and the crowd cheers once more as the friends back away from each other. taeil looks mildly disappointed, but still takes the mic back and waves them away to their seats. mark goes to sit next to jeno and renjun, and rolls his eyes when the latter smirks. 

“we love a couple,” renjun laughs. 

the party ends at three in the morning, and mark is tired. he trips down the stairs, and drunkenly looks for donghyuck to take him home. he spots his mop of pink hair heading out the door and tries to run, but his foot catches on something, and he’s suddenly falling. just as he’s about to hit the floor, arms envelop him- they’ve caught him. 

“i’ve got you,” donghyuck’s suddenly husky voice breathes, and he lifts mark back to his feet and gently leads him outside to his volvo. he helps mark fasten his seatbelt, and starts the car, pulling out of the parking lot and driving back home. 

it’s silent for a duration of the ride, before donghyuck rolls down a few windows to let some air clear their heads. mark groans, and turns to his friend, a bit more conscious.

“aren’t you drunk and _ not _supposed to be driving?” he jokes. donghyuck doesn’t even take his eyes off the road.

“well, someone’s gotta get you home,” he says, completely serious. “you’re literally half-assed right now, and if you don’t sneak back home in time, man, your mom’s gonna _ kill _you.” 

“oh god, i think she knows already,” mark giggles, voice slurred. he slaps a burning palm to his head. “but like i said, who cares?” 

“i’ve _ never _ heard you say that _ ,” _donghyuck laughs, stopping at a traffic light. the moon suddenly shifts, and glitter from some of the party poppers start to shine all over his head like stars. the moonlight’s illuminating his face, outlining every corner and curve, and it makes him glow. mark thinks he looks absolutely radiant. 

“you’re pretty,” he blurts, and donghyuck abruptly stops laughing. 

“what?” 

“you heard me.” mark pushes on. “i said you’re pretty.” 

“mark, you’re drunk,” donghyuck sighs, starting the car again with a rumble. “i gotta get you home sooner, oh my god.” 

mark doesn’t say anything else for the ride, close to blacking out again. but as donghyuck pulls up to mark’s house again, the latter refuses to get out. 

“your mom is gonna freak-” 

“nah, she won’t.” 

donghyuck groans, and turns the engine off. “mark,” he places his hands on the steering wheel in frustration. “can you please tell me what’s going on?” 

mark giggles. “no.” 

“that’s not an answer-” 

“i like hearing your voice, that’s all,” mark quietly interrupts, and donghyuck falls silent, taking a moment to properly process this.

“i- what?” 

“you have an incredible voice, hyuckie. i swear, i never want to stop listening to it. your voice is angelic and if there’s anything i love most in this world, it’s you and your voice,” mark says, and something in his tone makes donghyuck’s chin lift, gaze sharpening on the older. mark’s voice is still raspy from the alcohol. 

the younger stares at him, mouth opened wide in a gape. “b-but, wait, no, i can’t sing. i can’t sing at all.” 

“bullshit,” mark laughs, opening the door with fumbling hands. he steps out of the car, and instantly collapses to the ground. 

mark wakes up the next morning in a panic. he flails in his sheets, and his eyes are wild. he’s still wearing last night’s clothes. 

“fuck!” he groans, quickly feeling around his bed for his phone. he dials for johnny, and exclaims in frustration when his voicemail responds instead. 

he remembers every detail from last night- the party, the ride back home, and telling donghyuck that his voice is pretty. he also vaguely remembers passing out and someone carrying him up to his room, but he was sure it couldn’t be his mother. _ unless- _

mark’s phone suddenly lights up with johnny’s picture and begins to sing his ringtone, and he quickly accepts the call. 

“yo, what’s up, bro?” johnny’s voice is raspy with the lasting effect of sleep. 

“bro.. remember how kun hyung asked me yesterday if i liked hyuck?” mark is shaky with his words. johnny, however, doesn’t seem to notice. 

“yeah, and?” 

“well, you’re gonna laugh, because i told him he and his voice were pretty and that i liked listening to it and passed out after.. oh my god, i think he carried me up here,” mark moans in despair. “oh shit, i fucked up.” 

“that puny lil squirt?” 

“is that seriously what you refer to him as?” 

“yeah bro, but does your head hurt at all right now? are you okay? is your mom home with you?” johnny quickly switches the topic and bombards the younger with questions. 

“well, no, yes, and yes,” mark says. “but i need you to come over, _ oh my god _, i need your help right here and now,” he begins to breathe hard, and there are rustling sounds coming from the phone. 

“okay, i’m coming over as soon as i can, promise. calm down. how about we go to _ dream?” _ the older suggests, jumping off his bed and making a beeline for his wardrobe. if mark needed his help now, he was going to provide it as best as he could. 

“are you bringing anyone else?” 

“no, it’ll just be us two, okay? and we can talk about whatever is going on with you and hyuck,” johnny reassures as he pulls on an outfit with one hand. 

“sure.. but could you do me a favor?” mark sounds hopeful over the phone. 

“yeah, what is it?” 

“don’t wear that shirt again, it’s hideous,” mark commands, then hangs up. 

johnny looks down at himself, and groans as he realizes just what he’s wearing. “fuck.”

“so, are you going to tell me what’s happening?” johnny swirls his straw in his frappe, facing mark. 

“i’m not gay,” the younger blurts a little louder than intended, and reddens as a few people in the cafe glance at him. 

“right,” johnny says, taking a sip. “and is this what’s bothering you right now?” 

“are you not concerned by what i told you earlier?” mark asks. “i literally told my _ best friend _ i thought he was pretty. fucking pretty! well, not that he’s ugly, but like-” 

“mark, stop. i mean, if you’re really sure you don’t like hyuck, then you don’t like hyuck. plus, you were drunk. if you don’t bring it up or mention it, then eventually, maybe hyuck will forget it too. so don’t worry about it, okay?” the older reaches over to pat mark on the shoulder reassuringly. 

“but, that makes no sense. i’m straight. and yet, i just told hyuck that i thought he was pretty. straight boys can’t think other boys are pretty.. right?” 

“well.. if you want my perspective, i’ll give it,” johnny starts, looking mark in the eye. “you can be straight and still tell your best friend he’s pretty- as long as you mean it. sometimes, it’s also a good wake up call for you, maybe you can think about whether or not you really meant it platonically, or not, you know? i give shit advice but that’s what i think.” 

“but i-” mark protests, but johnny immediately interrupts him. 

“no, mark, just take it slow. think about it, okay? when you have the answer, tell him how really you feel, whether you like him or not,” johnny stands, pushing his chair back. “i gotta go right now, but, mark? please think about it.” 

mark deeply considers calling donghyuck to come over for dinner, and to maybe hang out. he takes a deep breath, opening his eyes wide and sits up, his bed creaking. maybe johnny was right. after all, best friends could tell one another they were pretty- as long as they were sincere about it. but did he mean it platonically? mark isn’t so sure anymore. 

“hey, come over,” he finds himself saying into the phone five minutes after, leaning against his doorframe. “mom’s already made dinner, but i’ll cook an extra for you. no exceptions,” he adds. he can still hear the younger protesting as mark hangs up with an exasperated sigh. 

minutes later, the door swings open to reveal his best friend, chestnut hair tousled and messy from the wind. knocking and ringing doorbells have been long dismissed as an unnecessary hassle; the two families have grown so accustomed to the boys barging into their homes, even at the most random times. donghyuck’s eyes _ shine, _but mark blatantly ignores the way the other glances at him for a sign of recognition. the older silently promises himself, he will not give in. 

“mrs. lee,” donghyuck politely greets mark’s mother as he unlaces his sneakers, and she turns from the stove, grinning at the newcomer. 

“donghyuck!” she exclaims, walking over and bringing him into a hug. “what a pleasant surprise! did mark invite you over?” 

“yes, he did,” the boy playfully glares at mark from the door. “you didn’t have to do that, you know? i didn’t want to interrupt your dinner-” 

“nonsense,” mark’s mother chides, heading back to the kitchen. “you’re practically family! the son i wish i had,” she turns to wink at mark with a laugh. “what’s a dinner without family?” 

mark and donghyuck watch her go, silence following after her. mark turns first, meeting the younger’s glittering eyes. one look from donghyuck makes mark lose it, and the other follows quickly. it’s the kind of laughing that makes mark feel butterflies in his stomach. 

_ weird, _ he thinks. _ i’ve never felt like this while laughing before, especially with donghyuck. _

“_think about it,” johnny said. _

mark gulps, his giggles abruptly stopping, and donghyuck straightens with a groan, clutching his stomach. his eyes twinkle, oblivious to the way mark has to look away from them, afraid of how much more his lungs could collapse. 

“lead the way, mr. lee. i await my feast,” the younger says dramatically with a terrible european accent, and gestures to the kitchen. mark scoffs, waving away all his internal conflicts, and rolls his eyes at his best friend. 

“feast, my ass,” he laughs as donghyuck takes his forearm, gently leading mark around and across the tiled floor to the kitchen counter. even that simple touch has mark’s face igniting on fire. 

“i’ve never had ass for a meal before,” donghyuck quietly says in wonder and in another feigned accent. mark slaps his arm in disgust, proudly earning a squeal from the other. 

“shut up. _ i’m _ the chef that can decide if he wants to feed you shit or food.” 

“yes, mr. lee, damn.” the younger winces, and heads off to set up the table, leaving mark to go and cook up a meal for him. the latter sighs, and joins his mother at the stove, quickly gathering ingredients for donghyuck’s favorite dish- 

_ “samgyeopsal, pork belly.” mark remembers donghyuck telling him at the diner they had hung out at so many years ago. his mouth full of the food, the dish has the younger rolling his eyes at the burst of flavor, and mark laughs at the absurdity of it all. _

“samgyeopsal!” donghyuck exclaims again, and mark can pick out _ fear _ in his voice, and snaps out of it in confusion. glancing down at the pan on the stove he’s using, he yelps, alerting his mother chopping onions on the other side of the kitchen. 

“fire!” she screams, and quickly grabs the lid, throwing it over the pan with a grunt. mark watches his mother in amazement as the flames finally dim, and sputter to a stop. he can see the poor meat in his pan, and he groans, wondering why both his mother _ and _ donghyuck trusted him with this. it’s a betrayal. 

“well,” donghyuck awkwardly says, giggling a bit as he pats mark’s shoulder. “it’s the thought that counts.” mark’s face reddens, and he has to look anywhere but the latter, shuffling his feet and playing with his neckline. “let’s go up,” the younger quickly suggests to save mark from killing himself of embarrassment. he nods at mark’s mother for approval and grabs the other’s reluctant hand, leading him up to the stairs to the older’s room. 

mark finds himself laid across his bed and donghyuck perched up upon his desk, every movement from the latter making a creak. the sun has set, and darkness has settled into every corner of the room. the only source of light is the eery glare of the glow- in the dark stars on his ceiling. 

donghyuck speaks up first. 

“hey, uh, markie, you okay?” the nickname is hard to ignore, and it sends shudders down the older’s spine. donghyuck’s voice is unnaturally hushed, and mark can tell he’s really trying to keep it that way. he hums in reply, rustling the sheets as he rolls around to face the wall. nothing else is emitted from the older. 

“y’know, i carried you up here.” mark really hates the way he’s speaking- it’s so unlike him, so _ devoid _of donghyuck, it angers him. “you’re so heavy,” the younger continues softly with a chuckle. “but i couldn’t leave you alone out there, y’know? your mom heard me struggle to get up the stairs with you in my arms. so she opened the door for me without a word about you or me, and helped me tuck you in,” donghyuck retells with a smile in his voice. mark stays silent. 

he can remember all the times they’ve sat in this very room, each time a bit more grown up. the words that filled the atmosphere were always different- but they were always uttered with each other. lee donghyuck, throwing toy trucks at his best friend when they fought over who got the red one at age two, sitting on his bed behind mark’s back at his desk till late in the night; complaining about homework and the annoying girls at school at age nine- to crying in the older’s arms at age sixteen. for the first time in seventeen years, mark doesn’t say anything back. 

“mark,” donghyuck repeats, louder, he's shifting around on the older’s desk, rattling pens in their containers. “what’s going on? are you sure you’re okay?”

the older ignores him, and doesn’t move from his position on the bed, still curled in and facing the wall. he stays as still as possible, listening to donghyuck climb off the desk with a heavy sigh after a moment. he can feel the latter’s eyes burning a hole into his back. he’s painfully aware that donghyuck knows he’s not asleep. 

“see you later, markie,” he softly pads over and hugs the unmoving older. 

mark doesn’t release the breath he’s holding until he hears the front door slam.

_ “how do you know if you like someone?” mark recalls donghyuck asking him as they shuffle with cards on the younger’s bed a few years ago. _

_ “i, uh, don’t know,” the older replies, eager to start. “let’s just start the game-” _

_ “no, mark.” donghyuck’s fearful tone has mark looking up in a flash, concern for the boy softening every feature of the older. “i’m scared. i think i like someone, but i don’t know if i really do, because if i tell them, they’ll think i’m gross-” _

_ “definitely not, lee donghyuck. there’s no way you could be gross, because it’s completely normal to like someone! and if that person likes you back, then it’s meant to be.” mark smiles. “you just know when you do. like, you have butterflies when you think of them, and when you want to hold their hand, or.. you know! you wanna smooch them all over their face,” he makes obnoxious kissing sounds with a wink, trying to cheer his best friend up. he impulsively leans in, oblivious to the way donghyuck shifts back a little and gulps. _

_ “who is she?” mark whispers with a devilish grin. _

_ “i-” _

_ “mark! donghyuck! dinner!” donghyuck is interrupted by his mother’s call, and mark scowls, sitting back on his heels with a frustrated sigh. donghyuck’s face lights up, however, and darts out of the room without a glance backwards, mark reluctantly following after him. _

it’s around this time when mark goes and gets himself a girlfriend. 

everyone is surprised. “mark lee? with kang mina?” rumors and whispers fly, and it goes to mark’s head, serving as the distraction he wanted. he ignores the way donghyuck’s face pales everytime he walks to their lunch table holding mina’s hand. _ a distraction, _repeats the voice in his head. so mark listens, and ignores the desperate looks johnny sends his way next wednesday. 

mark lee is changed. 

he no longer places his hand on donghyuck’s thighs, no longer puts his arm around the younger’s shoulders, or responds to his texts with a smiley face. he ignores all the looks his friends shoot him during periods, and doesn’t hear the way his mother’s voice is pained when she asks him about the boy next door. 

wednesdays pass, and mark doesn’t notice how even jisung shies away from him when he arrives through the front door, or the way too many people crowd around donghyuck with open arms once he steps in after the older. 

_ fine _, mark decides. he didn’t want to be here anymore anyways. 

_ a distraction. _

his eyes become sunken, the stars within losing their glow, and he stops eating meals altogether. not even mina can get him to eat, and when chenle approaches him in the quad with a small sandwich on friday, he snaps, eyes blazing with a sudden fury. 

“can’t you see i’m trying to enjoy some peace and quiet?” he yells at the boy, and violently gestures to the tree shading him. “just leave me alone!” 

chenle bursts into tears, and dashes back to the cafeteria. that day, jaemin doesn’t even look up once during partner work during science. 

_ a distraction. _

mark convinces himself that it’s worth it, that it’ll pay off in the end, as he lays in his bed, staring at the peeling corners of those stars on the ceiling. it’s three in the morning, but he can hear the echoes of donghyuck’s laughter in the room like they’re fifteen again, and he wants to cry. he can suddenly see the glint of a golden smile on the edge of his bed, that familiar dip filled again. 

“i’m not gay.” the whisper goes unheard in the dark room. 

mark is trapped.

mark is well aware of the glares when he arrives at school, the peering glances roving over his dull eyes and askew glasses. apparently, rumors spread fast. he draws his hood up further up his head and stalks down the hall, one destination in mind. 

“donghyuck,” he softly calls out to the boy, and the younger turns, eyes wide; searching for the person that said his name, innocent expression souring as he meets the older’s eyes. 

“go away, mark, i don’t want to talk about it,” he stuffs a book into the back of his locker a little too hard. mark walks up, ignoring the way donghyuck tenses, and tries to lean as casually as he can against the metal. it’s icy. 

“leave me alone.”

“no, listen, okay? i know your birthday’s coming up soon, so i-,” mark begins, but donghyuck cuts him off with a seething glare. 

_ “can you please leave me alone?” _ donghyuck shouts, narrowly avoiding mark’s fingers as he slams the door, attracting attention throughout the hall. “i thought you didn’t want to be seen with me, hm? suddenly two- faced, what _ brilliant _ bullshit!”

“i didn’t say anything like that-”

“but you meant it,” donghyuck snaps, harshly pulling his backpack straps over his shoulders, still facing his locker. “you meant it, starting from when i was at your house, all throughout the past month, avoiding and ignoring me. didn’t think i noticed? you meant it _ all _ , and i think everyone knows that you’re a selfish _ coward.” _

mark stares at the glowering boy, mouth open in anger. he can’t hear the sudden silence over the roar of fury in his ears, and he straightens, squaring his shoulders. for once, he’s glad he joined the swimming club last spring. just like he wanted, he attracts donghyuck’s attention, the younger turning with a fierce glare. 

“don’t _ fucking _ blame me,” he spits, leaning forward to jab a finger into the younger’s wirier chest. “it was _you,_ the one that tried to flirt with me, always holding my hand and crawling into my lap, begging for hugs and attention. have you _ ever _ thought about how this could’ve made me uncomfortable? obviously i wouldn’t want to be seen with you-”

_ “I THOUGHT YOU LIKED IT!” _ donghyuck finally collapses, his expression incredulous as tears suddenly surge down his cheeks. he pushes mark in the chest, the latter stumbling backwards from the sudden force. mark is speechless. “i thought you wanted it, wanted me to continue, and worst of all, you _bitch,_ you reciprocated! you fucking hugged me back, and never objected, i don’t understand what the hell happened. what did i do _ wrong,”_ his voice cracks, and he stares mark in the eyes, cheeks flushed and wet. his chest is heaving with deep pants.

“tell me, mark, what did i do wrong?”

mark can’t reply, his mouth opening and closing with surprise. he stays silent.

“honestly, mark lee. _ fuck you,”_ donghyuck spits and stalks away down the hall, furiously wiping at his tears and face. heads turn to mark as donghyuck passes them, and soon, the entire hall is silent and waiting for mark’s next move. 

the boy does nothing.

when mark began to date mina, she had asked him if he wanted to sit with her and her friends during lunch. mark had politely refused, preferring to stay with his friends in the corner of the cafeteria, ears reddening as the girls giggled in the distance. mina smiled understandingly, and hugged mark goodbye. 

mark’s friends are tightly knit; jaemin, donghyuck, jeno, renjun, and mark are all seniors, and chenle and jisung are sophomores. the seven of them had grown up together- the best friends practically inseparable; chenle and jisung sneaking out of class to meet up with the others. secrets didn’t exist in this group. 

now, as mark slowly shuffles over to his friends, he’s met with five pairs of stony eyes, jaemin’s especially heated. donghyuck’s perched on the edge of the bench by jaemin’s side, gaze fixed on the dirty white ground, his eyes bloodshot. no one notices the sudden hush of voices throughout the cafeteria. 

mark clears his throat and forces a weak smile. “uh, hey guys-” 

“save it,” jaemin snaps, cutting him off with a glare. “none of us want to hear more, got it? we’ve heard enough.” 

jeno rolls his eyes and beckons for mark to sit down, and the latter does, silently squeezing in next to renjun and jisung. no one speaks up as mark timidly picks his fork up. he makes the mistake of glancing up in hopes of starting a conversation, and instead meets donghyuck’s eyes, and watches as the blank look on his best friend’s face twists into a sinister mask of hate. suddenly, a weight is lifted off the bench-, donghyuck is standing up; attracting the other six’s attention. mark can see his eyes beginning to glimmer with tears. 

“i, uh, gotta go,” he chokes out, sending a glare back over his shoulder at mark, and briskly glides out of the cafeteria. jaemin gives mark a dirty look and stands too, chasing after donghyuck. 

“nice going,” chenle bitterly laughs, and mark looks back at him across the table at him and jisung. jeno has slid a fair five inches away from him by this point, and so has renjun, the boy completely focused on a comic book. mark tries to swallow the lump in his throat.

“i don’t know what you mean,” he says, averting his eyes from the glowering boy. jeno lets out a dark growl, turning to the older with almost inhuman speed. 

“don’t pretend, mark. you know exactly what we’re talking about.” 

“you hurt hyuck,” renjun quietly chimes in, crumpling his book at the sides a bit. 

“no, i didn’t, it wasn’t my f-” mark continues to weakly protest, and jeno slaps his hands down on the table, creating a loud bang that silences mark. jeno’s usual calm, friendly smile and aura has disapparated; the boy is practically choking on anger.

“are you fucking _ stupid, _ mark? just by _ looking _ at him, you made him cry. what kind of bullshit are you on? you’re being a fucking asshole, and i hate that you’re tearing my best friend apart like that-”

“he’s my best friend too.”

chenle croaks out a laugh. “you’re shitting us if you think what you’ve done to him still makes you a best friend. there’s no, absolute, fucking way you still think of yourself as his best friend. a _ friend _ wouldn’t lie to someone like that for months and kick him away like he’s shit just like that.”

“but listen to me,” mark pleads. “i don’t like him like that, i only like- hell, _ love _him as a friend, i promise you i’m not lying-”

“so you’re not only lying to us, but yourself as well,” jeno whispers with an air of wonder and scoffs as he hastily packs his lunch tray and stands up. the others follow after him, all standing as jeno shoulders his backpack. 

“i’m done with your bullshit,” jeno snarls, and with that, mark’s friends turn with dirty looks and stalk away, leaving him behind. 

** _8:23 PM_ **

** _mina: _ ** _ hey lee, i can invite someone extra to the party at yuta’s tonight _

** _mina: _ ** _ you’re coming _

** _mark: _ ** _ no _

** _mark: _ ** _ absolutely not _

** _mark: _ ** _ you know i hate parties _

** _mina: _ ** _ yeah well you’ve never told me so i guess you’re coming :D _

** _mina: _ ** _ get ready i’m coming in 5 _

mark groans, and throws himself back onto his bed. he’s only been to one party in his lifetime, and vowed to never go to one again. but that sucks, because the boy knows- he doesn’t have a choice. he’s just finished wrenching on a pair of black skinny jeans and ruffling his hair back when mina honks outside, instilling panic in the boy. mark _ runs _ , sliding down the stairs, giving himself second-degree burns as he skids- but that’s a different matter for another time. mina is _ scary _ when she’s impatient. luckily, his mom’s away at her sister’s for the weekend; so that gives him two days to fix that vase he accidentally knocked down. _ good call, _ mark decides. grabbing his phone and keys on the way to the door, he jerks his shoes on and sprints to the car. 

“i swear i pulled something,” he heaves as he clambers in beside his girlfriend, and she only rolls her eyes with a small smile of approval at his outfit and floors it, tires screeching all the way. 

nakamoto yuta is widely known for his house parties- he’s in the university the next town over, but holds the wildest parties whenever his parents are away- almost always. his parents are relatively wealthy- his house isn’t miniscule at all, boasting three stories and roomy interior. the guest lists for his parties are never limited to just his school- it involves a variety of high schoolers and university students, and an occasional close friend from another state of his or two. anyone could show up and fit right in. unfortunately, mark sees yuta every wednesday as well, during their karaoke nights. it’s quite sad, actually, when mark watches “tough guy” lose it over sicheng every time the younger opens his mouth to speak. 

the cops of the town stopped caring about the party almost _ eons _ago. no one could stop those partygoers, and even if yuta was arrested, he or his parents could just buy his way out. it was simple that way. 

mark can hear the music from the speakers pounding from at least a street away already, and as they approach yuta’s house, mark’s headache increases, until his own head is hammering with the beat. the house is dark, except for bright, colorful strobe and disco beams from inside occasionally sweeping the front lawn. mina parks nearby, and mark meekly follows, surprised that there’s no one passed out on the front lawn yet. she knocks rapidly on the door, and it swings open soon; a tall, broad-shouldered man with long, unruly hair gathered into a mullet standing inside. his eyes are hazy with the effect of alcohol, possibly drugs, and maybe something more that makes mark shiver with just the thought of it. 

nakamoto yuta greets them with a smile- wide, toothy, and beaming. somehow, despite all the chaos from inside, yuta’s grin emaminates warmth, and mark feels himself give into it- a sense of a “ready to party” fever rising within him. 

“hey, guys,” yuta says, beaming in the darkness. “come on in.” 

mark has never been to one of yuta’s parties- but he had been to one with donghyuck _ years _ ago, back when they were still in freshman year. donghyuck had dragged him along by the hand after one karaoke session, cornering johnny and not letting him escape until he promised he would take them to a party the next week. it was a disaster- donghyuck gulped down a whole plastic cup of some kind of muddy liquid the second they stepped in after johnny, and threw up on mark’s shoes the next. mind you, they were brand new as well: nike air force ones, 2015 edition, shipped directly from canada. mark was furious, of course. he now had to survive this horror house until johnny brought them home, _ and _ take care of his best friend. _ perfect, _he cursed, sending glares at anyone that dared to glance their way as they passed by. mark could’ve run home if he wanted to- his house wasn’t too far away. but that would mean leaving donghyuck at a house full of older people, and that was the last thing mark wanted to do. he tightened his grip on the boy’s waist.

mark shivers, waving the memories away, and tiptoes in behind mina, and grabs at her arm. she shoots him an amused look, tilting her head to peck mark’s jaw in an attempt to calm him. it doesn’t work.

they’ve stepped into the living room, people passed out and sitting on the couches, on their phones, drinking, or making out with others. in the (relatively large) space over, there’s a little set up sound system, and strobe lights revolving, casting shadows and a glow on dancing bodies in the center. the drink counter is behind one of the couches, leading to the kitchen behind. a bit farther into the house, stairs ascend to rooms upstairs and down to the basement. one of the hallways has a door leading out to the patio, where groups of people are gathered under strung lights, and sleeping on the lawn, or by the poolside. 

“i’m going to go find my friends,” mina shouts over the music, and mark can’t hear what she says. “will you be okay?”

“i-” 

“cool! have fun!” mina smiles, and runs off into the next room. clearly, she didn’t hear what he had tried to utter at all. mark panics, running after her, and ends up tripping on a stray party cup, landing with a hard thud by the kitchen counter. he groans, lifting himself up onto his knees with difficulty, and frowns, glaring at the party cup.

“what are we doing first?” 

mark pales, ignoring the way his bruised knees screams in protest as he scrambles behind the counter and beside the fridge. 

lee donghyuck walks into the room, followed by jaemin, jeno, chenle, and jisung. renjun stalks in soon after, his expression stony. 

“can i leave already?” he whines. chenle turns to pout at him, grabbing at his arm. 

“hyung, we just got here,” chenle whines back, shaking renjun back and forth. “this is still jisung’s and my first party, remember? we need everyone here to celebrate.” 

mark frowns. _ who let them in here? and why is renjun, of all people, here? _

donghyuck steps around the sink and is suddenly standing right in front of mark’s kitchen counter. _ oh my god _ , the boy feels his head start to swim. _ if they see me, jeno’s gonna kill me with his bare hands _.

“injun, you can go home if you want,” jeno offers, and mark can hear the smile in his voice. “but we came here, as a group, to give hyuck a good time and forget about all his negativity, remember? what’s fun without you?” he says, beaming at the chinese boy. it’s corny, but the warmth in his voice convinces even mark to stay and listen, and he almost smiles at the thought. 

“fine,” renjun huffs after a hesitation, avoiding jeno’s face as he reddens from the latter’s gaze. “but i’m not drinking.”

“hooray!” chenle cheers, taking jisung by the arm, the younger yelping in surprise. “come on, ji, let’s go swim! ge, take us there,” he laughs, bounding away with jisung in his arms. renjun turns to the others and shrugs, and stalks after the two, narrowly avoiding a whack to the face by a dancing woman with a little shriek. 

donghyuck giggles at the sight, and mark melts a little- something in him wants to stand up from behind that counter and hold his arms out for a hug. but he knows it’ll never happen.

“let’s go explore,” jaemin suggests. “i kinda wanna dance.” 

“later,” donghyuck shuffles around, and mark can hear him crunch a plastic cup in his hands. “let’s go find where jun and the brats went to first.”

mark makes the decision to avoid the six of them. _ it’s a good idea, _ he chides, and groans when he opens yet another bathroom door to a couple passionately kissing in the bathtub.

“sorry,” he shuts the door again as they stare, his ears red. 

_ “we’re here to help hyuck forget all his negativity, remember?” _

mark stalks down the stairs after making his third lap around the house. an uneasy feeling begins to rise in his stomach as he recalls his friends’ conversation earlier. _ maybe it’s me _ , he winces, reaching the hallway leading back to the living room. _ what if he’s upset because of me? it’s me, isn’t it- _, his brain screams as he shakily places a hand on the wall to steady himself. 

it’s relieving when he rests his arms on the cool, rough surface, pressing his burning face to it and closing his eyes a little. 

“clear your thoughts, mark,” he scolds himself.

he deeply considers calling mina and begging her to take them home. maybe he can just blame it on his increasingly painful headache. just as he’s pulling his phone out, a flash catches his eye. in the midst of a gathering crowd, there’s something shining and bright, but mark can’t catch a glimpse of it, as it’s constantly shifting and moving. cheers and applause start to fill the room, and mark is drawn to it- but he blames it on the people behind him pushing to see as well. 

the boy then finds himself pressed up against bodies crowded around the speakers, and people are cheering and clapping. for what? mark is annoyed that he doesn’t know. he doesn’t see jaemin or jeno in the crowd, so he straightens, interpreting it as a _ go. _he shoulders his way through the mass to get to the front, ignoring rude gestures and looks as he does. the glimmer, the cheering, and pounding from the speakers gets closer as he advances, and he pops out with a stumble, foot landing just inches from the largest speaker. mark shudders as the vibrations blast into his ears.

it seems as if time slows when he looks up from his shoes.

lee donghyuck is dancing, right there, in the middle of that crowd. the colorful strobe lights casting a glow on him, and his dyed auburn hair is a halo, the glitter on his face illuminating his features. when he moves, his sun-kissed skin is glistening and looks like it’s on fire. 

he looks like an angel. 

donghyuck’s body is moving and sliding to the beat, his hands thrown up, and mark knows, the younger is dancing like he’d never before. his feet are bouncing, stepping, leaping, and carrying his body as he glides. donghyuck’s outfit shows quite a bit of skin, and mark swallows a lump in his throat- that he knows wasn’t there before- as the incredibly red, loose, and short shirt he’s wearing hitches up to reveal his tan stomach. half the crowd oohs, and mark can pick out the boy’s coy smile under the dim light. mark can feel his gaze sharpening as he focuses in on donghyuck. 

_ talk to me baby, talk to me baby, baby. _

donghyuck’s thigh muscles strain against his jeans, the rips and tears in the material exposing spots of tan as he throws his chest out; chin angled towards the ceiling, exposing his neck. beads of sweat glisten on the dancer’s throat, and donghyuck is panting. 

mark remembers the school dances the younger used to drag him to-, he’d always complain about the two hours he’d spend there, _ a complete waste of time. _ donghyuck would shrug and instead let go of mark’s hands, leaving the latter to sputter and chase after him in fear of being left alone. he would always find his best friend after a heated chase in the center of the room, dancing with his eyes closed, lips slightly drawn apart. _ oh my god, _he’d whisper in awe. like a routine, he’d mutter an unheard, rushed excuse to run for punch, refusing to disturb such a moment when his best friend was practically in heaven. 

_ i’m gonna do what i want, even if you say no, _

_ in the end, your lips will be on top of my cheek. _

he’s getting closer to mark’s side of the crowd. mark can see him mouthing the lyrics- but why hasn’t he ever noticed how pink, gorgeous, and glossy his lips are? _ oh man _, mark gulps. 

_ get rid of all your useless thoughts, _

_ don’t act like you’re timid, when you’re alone, _

_ tell me what you fantasized. _

mark is hopeful. 

_ don’t open your eyes, oh. _

in a split second, mark’s eyes meet donghyuck’s, the flush on the younger’s cheeks bringing a fiery heat into his gaze. the latter suddenly freezes, and for a moment- donghyuck’s vacant, fearless facade crumbles. in its place shine tears, and mark can see desperation in the way his best friend’s lips tremble the slightest bit. before long, time returns to its usual tempo, and their trance is broken. just as fast as it had come, donghyuck’s crestfallen expression dissipates, immediately spinning on his heels to turn his back to the older. mark can see his knees buckling. 

_ oh shit, _ is all the older can hear.

the song ends soon, and donghyuck strikes an elegant pose, bowing when the crowd cheers and applauds. the boy is beaming- flashing a brilliant grin at the mass gathered before him. in spite of that, the ecstasy in his smile doesn’t meet his eyes. it lasts for a few seconds, before the audience loses interest, and disperse through the house once again as another song begins to pound through the house. 

mark stays still, rooting himself to his little corner, and watches donghyuck gather himself and walk through the now relatively empty space, fishing for his phone. mark assumes (with amusement) he’s trying to call his friends. suddenly, the younger’s legs collapse, and he crumbles to the carpet, hair mussed and cheeks red. he furiously blinks, as if trying to clear his head. 

_ he must be drunk too, _ mark realizes, but can’t bring himself to move just yet. 

a man strides towards donghyuck, and it seems as if he came to the same conclusion as mark had. donghyuck weakly smiles up at the man, and he’s hopeful, wondering if the man would be willing to help him up and out of the room. the man grins back, bringing the boy to his feet. 

“san,” the man rasps with a friendly smirk, a hand held out for the boy to take, and donghyuck giggles. mark’s vision goes dark for a moment- and he fumes, unused to hearing him giggle so vulnerably with someone else. 

“d- haechan,” donghyuck smiles back, taking the stranger’s hand and delicately shakes it, beaming up at the shaggy- haired latter. 

the man is tall; long, lanky limbs on full display as he lazily stands, weight shifted onto one foot. he snakes a hand around donghyuck’s waist as they begin to walk, supporting the boy’s stumbling form. 

mark watches them excitedly chatter as they stride further away from the dancing circle, a rage building up within him. what if the dude- san, is a creep and only wants to take hyuck to bed? his breaths shallow, his mind in a panic. _ but if i follow them, hyuck might hate me more. _mark takes another glance at the duo down the hall, his stomach lurching when donghyuck loudly laughs. 

_ don’t be stupid. hyuck’s going to be fine. that guy can protect him. _ with a sigh, mark turns away- just as san leans in to whisper something in donghyuck’s ear. the boy giggles, a faint blush dusting his cheeks. mark whirls, spinning on his heels with an open-mouthed gape, and it hits mark like an impending truck-, _ he only laughs like that when he thinks someone is cute. _white rage possesses mark’s legs, and he sprints after the pair. san pauses, glancing back at the direction they came, and mark panics, dropping down behind a little velvet armchair in the vicinity. he peeks out. 

“yeah, actually, i’m a senior this year, and this is my second party.” mark hears donghyuck lightly laugh, and san’s dark eyes widen. the man’s smile twists into a smirk that makes mark’s blood run cold, and he licks his lips.

“oh, is that so? i’m a freshman in the college the next town over, my place isn’t that far from here,” san casually says. “but i was wondering, how’s your tolerance?” 

_ “holy shit,” _ mark whispers to himself. “san’s not going to fuck him, he’s gonna make him drink some shit that’s probably drugged.”

donghyuck’s tawny eyes grow wider, lips parting in surprise. he’s stunned by san’s question, and mark can see realization dawning on him through the darkness. “sorry, i don’t drink.” donghyuck backs a step away from san. “i stopped a while ago.” 

“oh, come on,” san purrs, taking donghyuck’s arm. “it’ll be just a little sip, don’t worry. and if anyone tries drugging it, i promise they’ll have to deal with me.” his smile is sickeningly forced. 

“i don’t think i want to,” donghyuck repeats, twisting away from the taller. his tone has sharpened, and his eyes cleared from any haze he had earlier. donghyuck’s hands curl into tight fists, knuckles bleeding white. 

san eyes the boy’s hands, and his lip curls, a look of frustrated annoyance passing over his face. he looks murderous for a moment, and mark is sure donghyuck catches it too. 

“what’s a party without a little alcohol, though? come on-” 

“like i said, i don’t drink.”

every speck of light in san’s eyes go out almost immediately, and donghyuck steps back, staggered at the incredulous look on san’s face. 

“sorry then, _ hyuckie, _ but that’s about to change today.” both donghyuck and mark blanch at the nickname, and san visibly perks up at donghyuck’s reaction, letting loose a dark, amused growl. “you don’t think i know you? i know everyone; i have connections you _ wish _ you had, and that means i know you, lee donghyuck. you’re not _ that _fucking special,” he spits, stepping over to donghyuck’s frozen figure. he laughs, and swifter than humanly possible, slams the boy against the wall, giving rise to a painful thud that makes even the taller quiver from the force.

mark lets out a cry of enmity, and quickly claps his hands over his mouth, not wanting to give his position away. donghyuck’s eyes are horrifyingly blank, and he releases every tense point of his body, slumping down the wall with an air of defeat that makes him seem even smaller and more vulnerable than ever possible. he looks like a cornered rabbit. 

_ he’s given himself up, _mark briskly pieces together, his vision going red, and watches in horror as san leans even closer to donghyuck’s emotionless face, leaving close to almost no distance between their chests. 

“come with me,” san whispers into donghyuck’s ear, his breath tickling the boy’s ear. donghyuck doesn’t move. 

san reaches down under donghyuck’s thighs, and his fingers are barely grazing the threads of the boy’s jeans as he begins to lift him into his arms—, when a hurtling body hurls into the university student. the force knocks san away, aggressively slapping his hands off donghyuck’s thighs with a snarl. 

“what the fu-” san is livid, looking around the hallway for whoever destroyed his moment. his eyes meet a pair of slitted eyes almost ebony with rage; their owner is only a few feet away, his fists outstretched and chest heaving.

_ “don’t. fucking. touch. him,” _mark heavily pants, voice thick. “if he said not to touch him or make him drink, then don’t. don’t even fucking try that shit, san.” 

san scoffs, looking the latter up and down with a mocking tilt of his eyebrows. it makes mark a little wary, as his scrawny size and looks are barely compatible to san’s height and chiseled jaw. with a pang, mark realizes he has _ absolutely no chance against this guy. _

and out of the corner of his eye, mark sees donghyuck- his facade crumbling at the scene, a bewildered look of fear passing over the boy’s face. his body is still motionless, pressed up against the pale white wall. _ good. he’s okay. _

“oh yeah? five foot, _what?_ _nine?_ kid thinks he can try to pick a fight with me?” san laughs, glancing around at their surroundings. the living room is miraculously empty, and mark silently curses his bad luck with parties. 

“whatever. i’m gonna tell you this one thing- okay, tiny? back up and mind your own business. this has nothing to do with you, got it? if you even try to fuck with me, you and your little boyfriend here are going to regret ever breathing the same air as me.” 

mark rolls his eyes, straightening so the height difference between him and the university student decreases. san is built like johnny-, tall, lean, and muscular, complete with looks that can make any gender swoon over them in two seconds flat. mark, however, is short for his age; lanky and thin, with developing chest and back muscles instead of the already quite large brawn johnny and san possess. mark pushes that back into his mind to deal with at another time- and focuses in on san. 

“guess what?” san is thrown up against the wall within a hair’s breadth of a second, mark clenching the university student’s shirt tightly in his fist, gradually raising him higher up the wall. mark pauses, lifting his eyes to meet san’s furious gaze, and the corners of his lips upturn. he leans in, tilting his head so that his lips just barely graze the taller’s ears.

“it _ is _ my business. you _ never _ touch my best friend, got that? i don’t give two shits about whatever the fuck you want to do-” 

“like hell you don’t,” san snaps, and mark growls, shoving the older back against the wall again, so that his head knocks painfully against the surface with a crack.

“_i__’m _ talking. shut the fuck _ up _ ,” mark clenches his shirt tighter, the neckline cutting into san’s throat. “you will _ never _ touch him, much less make him drink your disgusting shit ever again. i don’t want you talking to him, touching him, or coming near him. if you ever try anything like that ever again, you’re going to hell. _ i will make sure of that. _ understood?” mark calmly murmurs, venom dripping from every aspect of his voice. san’s fury dissipates, eyes growing wide, and in its place resides pure terror. 

“y-yeah, i got it,” san relents, and mark releases him as quickly as he had come. san’s limp figure slides down the wall, his legs giving way. mark turns with a triumphant smile, only to meet donghyuck’s stoic gaze, the boy slowly scrutinizing mark from head to toe with a tight-lipped expression and crossed arms. mark had thrown on a random combination of clothes he thought were fitting-, a red and white checkered flannel, a white tank top, ripped black jeans and a chain belt, complete with a cap and vans. the older frowns, ignoring san’s pained groan from behind. 

“what’s wrong? i just saved your life-” 

“i did say to leave me alone, didn’t i?” donghyuck’s voice is hushed and tired, and his gaze immediately drops to his feet. mark looks at him closely for the first time tonight- his makeup, normally flawless regardless of the situation, is smudged and messy, his eyes are red and his lips are puffy. 

_ donghyuck is a mess. _

“why didn’t you just go away? i could’ve handled it just fine, you know?” he continues, shifting on his feet awkwardly, avoiding mark’s gape.

_ donghyuck is never awkward. _

“no, you couldn’t,” mark gently prods, taking a bold step forward. “he was threatening you and everything, even trying to get you to drink, and we both know you can’t do that again-” 

“only you know,” donghyuck quietly interrupts, and mark pauses, stunned. “only you think that. see, mark, when you changed, i thought that it might be a good opportunity for me to do the same.” he lifts his chin, and mark can see the angry tears welling in his eyes. “i’m not the ‘hyuck’ you think i am anymore. i don’t want to be someone that can be tossed away so effortlessly.” 

“hyuck, that’s not-” 

“no, mark. i mean it this time. no more lies, no more playing around.” donghyuck takes a shuddering breath. “i think this separation is the best for both of us.” 

mark’s heart stops, and his mind goes dark. the ringing in his ears grows louder with each passing second, and he gasps, stumbling backward. “you.. wait, what?” 

“i mean what i said.”

“hyuck, _ wait _.” mark’s voice breaks, and he lets out a desperate sob. 

“leave me alone, mark.” donghyuck croaks, voice choked. he swallows a lump out of mark’s line of sight, and turns his back to the older. “i mean it this time. and for the love of god, stop calling me that.”

mark finds himself perched up on his roof’s edge a few days later, gazing at the stars as they twinkle and glow above him. he thinks, how stupidly annoying it is to have stars be living on their own, no emotions whatsoever, just glowing and living for thousands and thousands of years without a care in the world. mark feels left out.

donghyuck still hasn’t contacted him, not after the party, and neither has any of their friends or the hyungs. shit, mark internally groans, tossing his head back in frustration. _ i really fucked up. _flashes of donghyuck’s pale and broken expression burn behind mark’s eyelids, the way the boy’s stature quivered, his eyes drifting to the body behind his best friend still fresh in mark’s memory. 

he exhales, spotting constellations left and right, and vaguely remembers a warm body next to him, wind blown hair smelling like daisies and cotton in a field. he’s suddenly fourteen again, pointing out planets and stars like the space know-it-all he was, eyes glimmering with excitement as he shows off to his best friend. 

_ donghyuck scoffs, and crosses his legs off the edge, ignoring the way mark yelps in fear for his friend’s safety. _

_ “nerd,” he teases, smiling when mark rolls his eyes and pushes his glasses up further up his nose. _

_ “i am not a nerd. i just happen to know a lot about space,” he says, leaning back on the tiled surface. he instantly regrets doing so, as the wind up here is strong, and his only source of warmth has inched away. _

_ in a last attempt to make one last summer memory, donghyuck had snuck over to mark’s for a sleepover and “bonding time”- the younger had obnoxiously proclaimed. mark had immediately tried to refuse the moment his friend had stepped through his door; school was to start the next day, but his mother beat him to an answer. _

_ “of course donghyuck can stay,” she had said into the phone with the boy’s mother. _

_ mark groaned, and donghyuck let out a triumphant cheer, taking the older’s arm and marching him up to the roof. _

_ “ _ _ did you know, when stars die, supernovas explode, and black holes form? it’s a place in space where gravity pulls so much that even light can not get out, so it’s impossible to see without special telescopes _ _ ?” _

_ “yeah, you’re a nerd,” donghyuck confirms with a giggle at mark’s scowl. _

_ “can you shut up?” _

_ “no.” donghyuck blows a raspberry. and somehow, the moonlight shifts just then so that it’s illuminating his face, giving him a glowing aura. when he turns to mark with a wide smile, mark can see the universe reflected in his eyes, and constellations painted all over his golden skin. _

_ mark has never seen his best friend look so content before, and he decides right then and there on that frigid august night; the stars have nothing on the boy beside him. _

_ he takes donghyuck’s hand. _

he sighs as he opens his eyes again, the breeze softly brushing his hair back. mark reaches out to steady himself with a tile, and meets a soft hand instead. he panics, jerking back with wide eyes at the newcomer- and looks up into mina’s eyes. 

“hi, mark,” she whispers, the wind muffling her voice. “your mom let me in after i told her i was your friend,” she says, crossing her arms. “we need to talk.”

mark gulps at the stony facade on her face, and scoots to situate himself by her. mina lets out a heavily-drawn sigh, pulling her knees up to her chest. her hair isn’t held back by her usual barrettes, and the wind is tossing the strands around, creating a halo.

“i heard about what happened with donghyuck and san that day.” she slowly starts, and only silence answers. mark is stoic, facing the horizon and fixated on the sea of city lights spread out before them.

“mark, is it true?” mina tries once more, turning to her boyfriend with desperation. “you really tried to start a fight with him, then? i thought you two were best friends!” she watches mark slowly nod, and frustration creeps up her throat. 

“i didn’t try to fight with him, though-” 

_ “just what is happening between you and him, mark?” _ mina explodes. “what’s going on? one day you two are the best of friends, and then you come to me and suddenly confess; now we’re dating, but i haven’t seen you in a week. that’s not even close to dating, if you ask me.”

“no,” mark hoarsely croaks, his throat dry. “that’s not it-”

_ “then why didn’t you tell your mom about us?” _ the younger snaps, and something clicks within her when mark stays silent. “wait a second,” she whispers, horror overtaking her voice. “you like _ him, _ don’t you? and you’re scared, because you don’t want to be known as gay, right? so you come to me, as a cover up for your feelings.” mina pieces together. 

sometimes mark wishes mina wasn’t at the top of her class.

“shit,” mark softly mumbles, ignoring mina’s slightly smug smile.

“well, hot damn,” mina swears under her breath, glad to have finally exposed the truth. “you did a good job at this, i’ll tell you that, mark. i knew you liked him, i really did- i _ thought _ it was weird when you came up to me that day.” 

she leans over to put an arm around mark, and rubs his back comfortingly as he heaves his first dry sob. the calm silence of the night only drives mark to collapse, and he cries, tears mixing in with the wind while mina holds him. 

“s-so you’re not mad?” mark sniffles, and mina shakes her head, gently lifting his chin with a finger so he can face her. 

“of course not. but what are _ you _ going to do to fix your friendship? that’s what i’m most concerned about.”

“i don’t know anymore,” mark mutters, averting his eyes. “it’s unfixable.”

“i wouldn’t be so sure about that,” mina grins, and mark can practically hear the gears in her head turning. “think about it this way- two halves must make a whole, right? so, mark lee, how are you gonna get your half back?”

“so, yeah, mina and i- we broke up,” mark finds himself explaining to johnny at _ dream _again the next day, dark circles under his eyes. johnny bites his lip, quickly fixing his expression to show a mask of pity. 

“mark, i’m so sorry-,” johnny starts, but mark waves him off. 

“that’s not what i’m here for, hyung,” he starts, and johnny visably perks up, eyes brightening as he takes a tender sip from his coffee.

“yeah?” 

“i think i like donghyuck.”

the older spits out his coffee, and gapes at the younger, eyes wide and the drink dripping from his lips. mark winces, glancing at the heads that turn their way at johnny’s commotion. he hands the man a tissue, and johnny gladly takes it, wiping at his mouth, still staring at the younger. 

“y’know, i suspected you were gonna pull shit like this, but what the hell, man, are you for real?”

“definitely,” mark says, folding his hands on the small, white plastic table. it shakes a little at the sudden movement. “i’m sure now.” 

“wow, what changed your mind so suddenly?” johnny leans forward, his eyes steeling as he stares mark down. a vein in his right cheek twitches, and mark sucks in a breath-, johnny thinks he’s lying. 

“because,” mark shifts back from the table, his chair dragging across the wooden floor with a shrill screech. “i know what i need to do to get my best friend back.” 

johnny watches, openmouthed, as mark stands, slapping a stack of change on the table, and stalks to the door. he doesn’t notice the way almost all the customers in the shop are hushed, watching the duo with curious eyes. 

“well, are you coming, or not?” mark’s impatient voice demands, cutting through all of johnny’s doubts like a sharpened blade, and the man stands as well, smile growing on his face. johnny stalks over to the door, clapping a hand on mark’s shoulder. he looks down at his friend, and positively beams when he sees a blaze burning in mark’s eyes, identical to the one sending sparks flying in his own. 

“don’t worry, i’m always following.”

donghyuck pulls up to mark’s house again at five- thirty sharp, the car’s tires letting out a low whine. mark trudges out the house, refusing to make eye contact with the boy. he assumes donghyuck’s doing the same. 

_ wednesday. karaoke night. _

they drive away in silence, mark’s left hand occasionally wandering unconsciously, creeping to donghyuck’s thigh as a habit. it’s hard for him to keep it pinned on his lap, adjacent to his other hand, and he curses himself. he strains against his instincts-, containing the urge to glance over at donghyuck, but he knows, _ it’s so ever tempting. _

stray leaves from the trees lining the sidewalk flutter down on the car as they blur past, and the sun hits an angle in the hills-, illuminating donghyuck’s face as he squints into the light. 

“golden hour,” mark blurts into the silence, and he realizes with horror- he’d been staring at donghyuck all this time. he slaps a hand over his mouth, nervously turning to face forward again. “sorry.” 

“don’t be.” donghyuck softly breathes, eyes still trained on the road ahead. mark whips around-, he didn’t expect an answer out of the boy at all. he gapes, and donghyuck flushes pink, his complexion glowing brighter. “i love golden hour.” 

donghyuck clears his throat, fingers nervously tapping on the wheel. he looks constricted in the space, curled into a small ball-, although there is plenty of room in his little volvo, mark notes. 

“it makes everything glow,” donghyuck awkwardly runs a hand through his hair when mark doesn’t answer, tufts of brown rising with the movement. mark thinks he could just lean over and kiss his forehead and caress his hair himself. but he doesn’t.

the car makes a left, and soon, the suburban fades into the distance, roads blending into grassy fields, and sidewalks into fences that flank the meadows. the sun is setting a lot faster now, and a breeze wafts into the car with the oncoming twilight-, sending a chill up mark’s spine. _ it’s time_. 

“donghyuck?” mark tentatively whispers into the dusk. 

“hm?” donghyuck hums, eyes flashing behind his rimless spectacles. 

mark takes a shaky breath and closes his eyes for a moment. does he really want to do this? johnny’s glimmering grin flashes behind his eyelids, and donghyuck’s echoing laugh rings through his ears. _ if not now, then when? _

“i’m sorry.” 

the volvo screeches to a halt, and they both lurch forward with the momentum. mark is shaking now, his nerves telling him to _ stop! don’t do this! _

donghyuck is hunched over, knuckles white from gripping the wheel. his eyes are still trained on the road ahead, flickering back and forth to the wildflowers waving in the twilight breeze. each and every one of mark’s nerves are screaming at him now, and blood roars in his ears as he pushes further. 

“i mean it. listen, there’s something i have to tell you-” 

“stop it.” donghyuck’s voice has dropped dangerously low, and he’s practically growling. every single hint of friendliness from earlier has been long gone. mark shudders from the cold intensity of it all. 

“i don’t want to hear you groveling out of fucking guilt. i don’t care about whatever you have to say, i don’t want to hear you say anything. if you’ve come here to just tell me you hate me and my whole existence for practically ruining your life, fine. you have the right to. and i don’t care-” 

“i like you.” 

donghyuck freezes, and something in his eyes shatter. the warmth that has always been there, regardless of any emotion he feels, freezes over with abhorrence. he takes a shaky breath, and mark barely catches the tear that trickles down his cheek. the breeze howls in mark’s ears, and the moon looks like its surface is shimmering. donghyuck reaches over to his left to release the lock control. 

“get out.” he doesn’t look back at mark. his voice is terrifyingly controlled, like the calm before a storm. “just get out.” 

“donghyuck-” 

_ “JUST FUCKING GET OUT OF THE GODDAMN CAR!” _ donghyuck screams, his voice breaking as he whips his head around to stare at mark, hands still gripped tight around the wheel like it was the only thing keeping him grounded. there is a cracked reflection of mark in donghyuck’s crazed eyes. _ “DON’T FUCKING TELL ME LIES FOR YOUR OWN PERSONAL BENEFIT. I WANT YOU TO GET THE FUCK OUT.” _

“no.” mark is surprised by how firm and steady he sounds. he just wished that he could feel the same. 

_ “why the fuck not?” _ donghyuck is practically gasping for breath. there is a nearly unreadable expression on him, and mark almost crumbles with a sob- knowing he can’t take any steps backwards anymore.

“i don’t ever lie to you, do i?” 

donghyuck is taken aback, his eyes widening in surprise, and his heavy panting ceases for a moment- 

-then mark is kissing him. 

mark finally shatters, the entire wall guarding his conscience collapses-, and he releases a cry into donghyuck’s lips. donghyuck doesn’t move, even as mark pushes into him a little further, hoping, _ pleading _for his best friend to say or do something. 

he doesn’t. 

mark pulls away, body-wracking sobs echoing in the space that seems to be suffocating him. he has never felt so hollow. donghyuck remains frozen, fuscous eyes on mark glossed over. his lips twitch, but he can’t seem to make a sound. 

_ “please, _ just say something.” 

donghyuck is soundless. 

“i-i realized, i realized i was wrong,” mark’s voice breaks. “i knew i liked you from the very start, but i didn’t know- i didn’t know, i thought it was _ wrong _ for me to like you, for me to like my _ best friend. _to even like a boy. i hated myself, donghyuck. i hated every part of me, i hated all the love i’d brought myself to feel for you.” mark hesitates with a shuddering breath-, every part of him is straining to break free. 

“but i knew, i could never like anyone else but you- and it fucking _ sucks, _having your best friend, the love of your life, torn away from you, and everyone else turning on you. it sucks to be in denial, when you know you can never get with the person you desire the most.” mark is crying even harder now, his vision swarming with colorful dots. it feels like he’s drowning, unable to breathe or see right. 

“i-i’m sorry, donghyuck. i-i know you don’t like me back, and that’s okay. but at least- at least tell me i’m not a fool for loving you.” 

donghyuck stays immobile. the rumbling of the old engine growls louder. 

mark releases a breath he hadn’t even realized he’d been holding, and can feel his chest constricting even tighter with the burning of unshed tears. “i knew it.” 

he reaches out, and opens the door to step out, when something cold grabs onto his wrist and drags him back into the car, apparently uncaring when it comes to mark’s safety. he groans, dazedly looking back at the driver’s seat-, where donghyuck is perched on his knees, eyes brimming bright with tears and arm outstretched, his hand gripping mark’s wrist. 

“fucking idiot,” donghyuck swears, and lunges forward with a desparate motion, and collapses onto mark’s outstretched body. he sits up on mark’s lower torso, and mark can see his control over his emotions rapidly failing. donghyuck lets out a sob, and he leans forward, slamming his lips against mark’s. 

it’s quite messy at first-, donghyuck and mark fighting for dominance, their lips constantly falling apart, but soon mark takes the upper hand and pushes back into donghyuck. mark sighs into donghyuck’s mouth, reaching under the boy’s thighs and shifts their position so that he’s sitting up in the old, leather passenger seat, arms tight around donghyuck on his lap. 

stars explode behind mark’s eyelids as he gets a taste of donghyuck’s cherry chapstick, and it’s so, so sweet. a starburst of salt mixes in with the sugar, and mark almost recoils, and it’s only when donghyuck reaches up to cup mark’s face does he realize he’s crying. 

“why are you crying?” donghyuck’s voice is ever so soft when he pulls away for air, quietly panting as he brushes at mark’s cheeks to wipe the tears cascading down and onto donghyuck’s thighs. 

mark hesitates, chest heaving. _ there is no way this is real. _

“i- you like me back?” mark is dubious, his voice shaky with disbelief.

“of course i do,” donghyuck’s voice is fragile, like it could break into a million pieces at any moment. “i can’t believe you don’t know.” 

“don’t know.. what?” 

“markie,” donghyuck quietly giggles, leaning further into mark’s chest. “you don’t know that i love you?” 

“you _ what?” _

“mark lee.” donghyuck patiently strings out his name. “i’ve liked you since we met. you were always so strong, willing to help me get through so much shit, even when we were kids, how could i not fall in love with you?” he shifts back on mark’s lap a bit, averting his eyes.

“there’s something about you that’s always so entrancing, and no matter how many times i told myself; _ no, he’s not yours, _i always found myself going back to you. you know, jeno told me he thought you were completely straight. but i told him that i had hope for you, that you’d be able to see that i liked you. but when you began to avoid me that month, it completely destroyed me. i thought you didn’t want to be friends with me anymore, or maybe something worse. i didn’t want to give up, though, but when you started dating mina-” donghyuck’s voice breaks, and mark can see him blinking back tears. 

“i thought..” 

“i dated mina only because i thought it would help ease the feelings i had for you.” 

donghyuck pauses. “so you’re saying-” 

“whenever i kissed mina, i thought of you.” 

donghyuck gapes at mark, eyes wide, and he suddenly tries to scramble off mark’s lap. “but- that means i kissed mina’s boyfriend, oh my god. i’m sorry, mark-” 

“we broke up,” mark interrupts, grabbing at donghyuck’s flailing hands. “she practically knew from the start. so she wasn’t _ that _mad.” 

“no way,” donghyuck whispers, a ghost of a smile brightening his eyes. “so-” 

“yeah,” mark confirms, echoing donghyuck’s grin. “that means you’re my boyfriend. that is- if you want to be,” he adds, barely dodging a slap from the younger. 

“are you sure she’s not going to be even a little bit pissed?”

“i already talked it out with her. she thinks it’s the best for us both.” 

“you smooth asshole,” donghyuck relents with a snort, laying his head on mark’s chest. “who’d refuse that? an offer from the love of their life? what idiot-” 

“hopefully said idiot isn’t you.” mark leans down to peck a kiss on donghyuck’s forehead. “otherwise, that’d really suck to have lee donghyuck after your ass chanting, ‘i’m not the hyuck you think i am anymore’. man, that was traumatic.” 

“please shut the fuck up,” donghyuck reaches up to bring mark into a kiss, cheeks bright pink. “just enjoy the moment- even if we are on the side of a road.” 

with a soft hum in agreement, mark brings donghyuck in tighter, and they close their eyes. all that’s audible is the breeze, waving the grasses back and forth, and the constant humming of the engine. 

_ this is all i need. _

_end _


End file.
